Someone once asked...

“I asked a question earlier but didn't provide enough context to be useful. Earlier this year, I thought I had attained enlightenment. I felt like I was one with everything, the sun felt wonderful, and even my dog, a cute darling, looked even more wonderful. The smell of decay (ie from a trash heap) had a reassuring quality to it. I described to someone that it reminded me that life continued as a background process, whether we acknowledged it or not. It was the happiest I had ever felt since I was born, and I was filled with love and gratitude. I found myself reaching out to people who'd helped me find my way through life (friends who let me sleep on their couches during tough times, people who had a kind word for me in the past, etc). I truly felt like I was a completely different being, and that the day to day anxieties of my life started to feel like petty worries. But soon enough, my friends had me committed to a mental health facility. As it turned out I'd started to claim I was God, and so they put me in rehab. There, I got three diagnoses, and most of it pointed to psychosis. The thing is, the way I felt before I'd been brought to the hospital was honestly the most peaceful I'd ever felt, and I'd like to know what you think. Was I psychotic? If so, why did I feel like I was one with the universe for once?”

✦

Someone answered with kindness...

Maybe in another time you would be a saint. Current society deems you psychotic. If you are not hurting yourself, can support yourself or have a support system, you are likely fine. But what value is there in being enlightened? Do good works, proselytize not to your friends, but engage meaningfully with strangers, help others, build your karma.

✦

Another soul answered...

Sanity is more related to integration than it is to reality. In fact, most of what we consider real is because we integrated it at scale. I won't judge your realizations back then. I can't. And nobody should. But I think you may have failed at integrating them well. You did not mature with your realization, it overtook you. And your change became a derailing when seen from outside. Maybe just for a bit, but it was enough for those who care about you to react the way they knew. Failing is the most common outcome, that's why we learn from experience. And that goes for us all. So, if you ever walk that path again, either because you want or because it just happens, don't let it overtake you. Grow with it, slowly (because growth is intrinsically slow). That will also help others integrate your change.

✦ This sign has found its fate.

✦

Wandering voices — answers no one has read yet

✦

Another soul answered...

Before you even said that your friends had you committed to a mental health facility I thought that you were describing some sort of manic episode. That level of extreme euphoria and finding things like the smell of trash to be reassuring is a symptom of psychosis. So yes, you were psychotic, and the reason you felt that way is because your brain was tricking you. It's really hard, I've gone through something similar, but your brain doesn't let you realize that you are doing things that are harmful to yourself. I hope you're still getting professional help. And please listen to your doctors, not just a stranger on the internet.

✦

Another soul answered...

Probably because you were in fact psychotic maybe manic too or just high

✦

Another soul answered...

Everybody is fundamentally the ultimate reality, not God in a politically kingly sense, but god in the sense of being the self, the deep-down basic whatever there is. And you are all that, only you are pretending you are not. And you all know it.

Want to find this sign again?