I am an 18-year-old man. My problem is that, throughout my entire life, I have only ever been able to fall in love once.

When I was little, in primary school, I had a female classmate who I liked throughout all of primary school. And well, I never told her. I have always struggled to express how I feel. In fact, I have never talked about it with anyone. I never talk about how I feel or about my problems, and I find it difficult to express myself.

On the day she finished primary school (she was one year older than me), a classmate came over and told me that she was leaving, and all that came out of my mouth was, "Whatever, let her go, I don't care." That wasn't what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I was going to miss her so much and that I loved her, because she was also one of my best friends. But those words never came out of my mouth, and I'm not sure, but I think my classmate went and told her what I had said...

The thing is, at my secondary school, there were always very few students in each class, around 10 or 11, and I'm a little shy, so I didn't go out much. During secondary school, I never met anyone who made me feel the same way, so I remained in love with her.

To this day, eight years have passed since I last spoke to her, and I still like her. No one else has ever made me feel the same way, even though we were never actually together, and I haven't fallen in love with anyone else since.

I thought I had completely gotten over her, but the other day I saw her and said hello... and I don't know what happened. She didn't recognize me, or maybe she doesn't remember me, or maybe she doesn't want to talk to me. The thing is, she didn't answer, and I just kept walking. The moment I saw her, I got so nervous that I turned red, my hair stood on end, and my hands were shaking.

Now I'm left wondering whether she didn't recognize me, whether she doesn't remember me, or whether she simply doesn't want to talk to me. I mean, I've changed a lot. For example, when I was little, I had long hair, whereas now I have it quite short, and that alone completely changes my face, not to mention all the obvious changes that come with growing up.

The thing is, it had been so long since I had felt nervous around someone that I've spent weeks thinking about her, realizing that I never really managed to move on.

The worst part is that she has a boyfriend now. And please don't misunderstand me: I'm genuinely happy that she has a boyfriend and that she's happy. In fact, I've even prayed that she wouldn't have to go through a breakup, because I just want to see her happy, even if it's without me, because I love her.

But of course, it's inevitable that I feel a little sad when I think that maybe I'll never be able to fall in love with anyone else, and that things will never be possible with her either.

On top of that, I'm shy, and I also feel extremely ugly. When I look in the mirror, all I feel is anger and helplessness, and I feel like I have no right to like someone. I find it difficult to talk to women, and unless I'm absolutely certain that they're interested, I don't approach them. This has led to me not even having my first kiss yet.

Although, to some extent, that's also because I don't like going around kissing just anyone. I want the day it happens to mean something. And if a miracle happens and I'm able to fall in love again, ideally, I'd like there to be only one woman in my life, even if it's not her.

I don't know what to do right now...

Question

I am an 18-year-old man. My problem is that, throughout my entire life, I have only ever been able to fall in love once.

When I was little, in primary school, I had a female classmate who I liked throughout all of primary school. And well, I never told her. I have always struggled to express how I feel. In fact, I have never talked about it with anyone. I never talk about how I feel or about my problems, and I find it difficult to express myself.

On the day she finished primary school (she was one year older than me), a classmate came over and told me that she was leaving, and all that came out of my mouth was, "Whatever, let her go, I don't care." That wasn't what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I was going to miss her so much and that I loved her, because she was also one of my best friends. But those words never came out of my mouth, and I'm not sure, but I think my classmate went and told her what I had said...

The thing is, at my secondary school, there were always very few students in each class, around 10 or 11, and I'm a little shy, so I didn't go out much. During secondary school, I never met anyone who made me feel the same way, so I remained in love with her.

To this day, eight years have passed since I last spoke to her, and I still like her. No one else has ever made me feel the same way, even though we were never actually together, and I haven't fallen in love with anyone else since.

I thought I had completely gotten over her, but the other day I saw her and said hello... and I don't know what happened. She didn't recognize me, or maybe she doesn't remember me, or maybe she doesn't want to talk to me. The thing is, she didn't answer, and I just kept walking. The moment I saw her, I got so nervous that I turned red, my hair stood on end, and my hands were shaking.

Now I'm left wondering whether she didn't recognize me, whether she doesn't remember me, or whether she simply doesn't want to talk to me. I mean, I've changed a lot. For example, when I was little, I had long hair, whereas now I have it quite short, and that alone completely changes my face, not to mention all the obvious changes that come with growing up.

The thing is, it had been so long since I had felt nervous around someone that I've spent weeks thinking about her, realizing that I never really managed to move on.

The worst part is that she has a boyfriend now. And please don't misunderstand me: I'm genuinely happy that she has a boyfriend and that she's happy. In fact, I've even prayed that she wouldn't have to go through a breakup, because I just want to see her happy, even if it's without me, because I love her.

But of course, it's inevitable that I feel a little sad when I think that maybe I'll never be able to fall in love with anyone else, and that things will never be possible with her either.

On top of that, I'm shy, and I also feel extremely ugly. When I look in the mirror, all I feel is anger and helplessness, and I feel like I have no right to like someone. I find it difficult to talk to women, and unless I'm absolutely certain that they're interested, I don't approach them. This has led to me not even having my first kiss yet.

Although, to some extent, that's also because I don't like going around kissing just anyone. I want the day it happens to mean something. And if a miracle happens and I'm able to fall in love again, ideally, I'd like there to be only one woman in my life, even if it's not her.

I don't know what to do right now...

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

You can try to reconnect, but I don't know how it would go seeing as she is avoiding you to some extent for some reason. You could tell her your feelings, but to pounce it onto her would be, you know. Honestly, I don't have an exact answer.

5 things
Communication is key 
Confessing to others could help confess to her
It's not easy but not impossible to love again
Please believe in yourself, maybe workout or skincare if you want more body confidence, [Also skincare isn't just for girls or gays, you can use it yourself]
If she rejects you, it's not your fault or hers. Feelings manifest for no reason that I know and if you do tell her and get rejected [don't think about it] just remember the fact that you had the confidence to tell her.

Also the boyfriend, if you go with the confessing idea, he should probably be the one to tell before her or if the word spreads and he hears.

Soz this probably doesn't help at all.