I am a Muslim girl there is boy who likes me 4 5 years back he told me when the time is right and our studies are over he will bring marriage proposal and he text me should I bring the problem is I am confused he is not stable yet and my mom thinks his family background is liitle low and he told me that he need 1.5 or 2 years to settle before that we wiil do engagement I don't know what to do sometimes I feel what if he changes after maaariage or if I do aarange maaariage that guy will understand me better give me advice opnion

Question

I am a Muslim girl there is boy who likes me  4 5 years back he told me when the time is right and our studies are over he will bring marriage proposal and he text me should I bring the problem is I am confused he is not stable yet and my mom thinks his family background is liitle low and he told me that he need 1.5 or 2 years to settle before that we wiil do engagement I don't know what to do sometimes I feel what if he changes after maaariage or if I do aarange maaariage that guy will understand me better give me advice opnion

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I think that you should have a proper conversation with him about what his priorities are and if he really does want to marry you or not. When you think about him, you also do need to think about the fact that you will be living with him. Think about what his family conditions and lifestyle is, and if this rishta is really good for you or not. You will be living with him for the rest of your life, and maybe you will have kids with him. If you really think he might become a different person after your marriage, its better to have a proper conversation with him.

Your mother is probably saying that his family is a little low because the hadith says that parents should marry their daughter to someone of higher status of them. But it is also true that good character is more important than wealth. Most of all, you should definitely complete all of your studies before you decide to marry or not, because financial independence is key for women.

I think that you should have a proper conversation with him and tell him clearly about your worries and what his plans really are. It has been 4 to 5 years, and if he is not serious about marrying you or you feel like he might not be like how he is right now, it is better to let the proposal go. Make dua and hopefully you will be guided in the right path. Inshallah, you will find an amazing person who will be great to you and can live with happily for the rest of your life.

Signed, 
Another Muslim girl living in the United States