“how long till i feel this emptiness? how long till people are just people in my life and not lessons? how long till i finally win? how long till i finally find love? it’s been years since i’ve been on my own. i used to be an average or below average kid but i had so many people of my own. years passed and something changed in me but people remained same, had to cut all toxic connections off and now it’s just me and myself. i guess you can say its the law of exchange by universe that i lost everyone but now i’m the top student in my university, 3 research papers, internship from top university of country, my looks changed, personality changed, i am a whole new person now but how long? why do i get heartbreaks in friendship, in love, in every connection? i’m not an introvert, talking with strangers is easy, connection is easy but for some reason i keep encountering toxic people in my life and since i left all my people pleasing habits way back i cut them off if they don’t change. i’ve seen people admire me, come up to me and say that i inspire them in many ways and they’re intimidated by me which i find very kind but only if they knew that i’ve been living in grief. so much pain to carry. is this going to be another plot twist in my life? i’ve wanted to start youtube for a while now, maybe i’ll take a huge leap of faith here aswell and just see where life takes me and i have nothing to lose anyway. i’ve already lost everything. i just wish to know: how long?”