“Hii dear anonymous
I don't really know what am I gonna say and I'm very sorry for that
I feel like I'm a very confused person... well idk why but I also do know why
I wanna do so much in life that I can be independent financially but sometimes I feel like I'm too lazy but really idk what is wrong because I am not that kind of a person who won't complete her tasks, and am not someone who would want someone else to do what is meant to be done by me... I just don't know 😕 and I'm so done of being like this... I think of looking up for part time work while studying but then I can’t find any, .... well some times I feel I'm not putting in much efforts for that.. idkk
I want some in my life... someone who can love me, understand me because Ik I'm so hard to love and to understand... I want someone to be my shoulder, someone to help me out with my matters of life, someone who can guide me through everything explaining them to me, someone who would listen to me yap all day and not tell me that 'oh you know speak too much', 'you take so long to explain simple things which can be explained in a second or less',you are so loud... someone who would love me more than I hate myself
When i say all this i don't mean that my family doesn't love... ig they do but I just want my partner... and I feel like I'm a bit too much of a burden on my family sometimes thinking this makes me think what if I would be that burden on my partner also then?
I feel like running away from my house so that my family will be free of me, haha they will hve peace you see ... I'm too much of a stress and problem over everyone... well yeah idk..
And then comes my crush I feel like I still can't drop the feelings for him well... yeah idk what to do bout that. I thought maybe i should confess him and once I get rejected I'll understand and my feelings will fade away, but fck I can't gather the courage to do so ...
Now comes my life of a fan girl.. okay so basically I'm an ARMY (and sorry no i don't listen to other artists the way i do to BTS.... so i might end up being clueless when asked about them) yeah so I love them a lot and I wanna meet them atleast once .... even it if is only once I'll be more than happy but idk why the reality says me other wise ... in my religion its not permissible to listen to music but yk I really them they have been such a saviour to me and I can never explain the connection I feel towards them. Also since it is not permissible in the religion my family is also against it (*sighs) well i did something and that is.... i ordered BTS albums and I have hid them in my cupboard and no one knows about them because I bought them using my pocket money so yeahh... idk what to do...
Now as of my university... well i wanted to apply for the scholarship in south korea that is GKS ... but my family being the very idk what religious personalities didn't let me apply
Yeah... so that's all I could let out there are many more things but... idk I just am not able to let them out but dear anonymous thank for reading and if you will be replying to this thank for that too
And I'm very sorry because I don’t know how to frame up everything properly and idk I just wanted to vent this all out really badly to someone thank you so much and sorry you had to keep up with me
Idk if I need to write this but if it is necessary you can message me on insta @xyzwithouty”
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Someone answered with kindness...
Don't worry I heard you , I know how it feels sometimes keeping all those feelings to yourself, if I'm correct it's your first time using this site right ? , well mine too , friend I don't know you but , a quick suggestion if you don't understand anything or just confused about anything write it out , and don't worry you are enough, you are human it is okay for you to feel these emotions, you are not a burden to anyone, being honest I am a atheist so you may not agree with me on this but I feel like life is meaning less and it is stupid for us to search for a meaning but that doesn't mean we can't give life it's meaning in our team ,
Don't worry it's alright,
You are really a human and I am not saying this to make you feel good, I'm genuinely saying this based on my experiences ,
I know I don't have a solution but we are heard to listen, I feel like you don't need a solution, a confused mind just needs to vent out those feelings so, write it down or you can cry it out whatever helps,
And if you need help you can message me on insta , as I said I may not have any solution but I will hear you
All the best for your life ahead 🫡