hi, so firstly i really don't know know how to put it in good words but sometimes my life feels very diffrent from others. i have like hardly 4 friends, no lover or any potential ( which i have no idea why ppl do not approach me bcs i m not that ugly i promise ), i can neither excel in my academics. so my life has been like something that consists of nothing. nothing to be hopeful about. sometimes i wish i had someone or would find the one but i dont have anyone approaching me and if incase someone does i just avoid that person and become avoidant.

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I think you're being a little too harsh on yourself, sweetheart. And I don't mean that your feelings aren't justified, but I wonder whether you've started measuring the worth of your life through things you see other people having. Four friends aren't an indication of an unsuccessful social life. Not having a lover or someone pursuing you doesn't make you any less desirable, and struggling academically doesn't mean you're incapable of achieving something worthwhile. These are different aspects of life, not a collective assessment of your worth. And about not being approached; don't turn other people's lack of initiative into a verdict on your attractiveness. There are so many reasons people don't approach one another, most of which have very little to do with how someone looks or what they're worth.
But something you said caught my attention: you wish someone would come along, yet when someone does, you find yourself avoiding them. I wonder if there's a part of you that longs for connection but finds the vulnerability of actually being known rather frightening. Perhaps you want to be chosen, but aren't quite sure what to do when someone tries to choose you. For now, I'd suggest starting small. Make an effort to initiate one conversation instead of waiting to be approached. Say yes to an invitation you'd usually turn down, join a club or activity that genuinely interests you, and give yourself the chance to get to know people without immediately deciding whether they could become something more. smile and talk to strangers without giving it a thought, go out with people Dont worry about embarrassing yourself. You don't have to force yourself into a relationship; just practise allowing connection into your life. And I want you to stop describing your life as something that consists of nothing. You're living through a chapter in which you haven't quite found your footing yet. That doesn't mean there's nothing ahead of you. There are so many things you haven't experienced yet, people you haven't met, places you haven't seen and versions of yourself you haven't grown into. don't be so busy waiting for someone to arrive that you forget there's a whole life waiting to be lived in the meantime.