Hi, I need help. Im trying to move on from my ex ( i think) but this one question keeps bothering me, "has he truly moved on from me" or "does he still have feelings for me". We knew eachother for 2 months and we started dating on sep 14th for a week before i broke it off. I wanted to get into a relationship because I loved him but he wanted to date. That would've been fine with me but he told me he had commitment issues and that really upset me because prior to this we had a phase where we would flirt with eachother and he gave me no such notion that he had commitment issues. One day we had a heart to heart before all of this and I understood we just had different boundaries in relationships, he likes alot of reels of random girls , it could be transitions edits etc, I felt like he didn't think I was enough and moreover I felt like the dedication I had wasn't being reciprocated, so I decided I would start keeping a distance but then the next day when we went out for a walk we had a petty argument over him smoking so i stormed off and then he came to my pg, his eyes were all watery ( I've never seen him like that before, he's not a very emotional person, so it hurt alot seeing him like that, it was v unexpected). After some time I felt bad and wanted to talk it out with him so i called him and we went out for a night ride and he said that our Convo from the previous day really hurt him bc during that Convo I asked him "are you this touchy with all your friends" and the general Convo was regarding boundaries and whatnot, he immediately sensed I was keeping a distance bc I didn't let him hold my hand anymore or anything like that even tho I was still being friendly, he then told me "in a relationship both ppl have to adjust" and that he was willing to adjust and change, fast forward a few days he was acting like he wasn't interested in relationships or anything like that, I felt betrayed and hurt, I cried, he then told me he liked me but he had commitment issues, he told me about how the relationship between his parents negatively affected him alot and even tho he didn't mention his ex i knew it was a part of it, they had been friends for a long time and they were in a relationship with eachother for 1 and a half years until she chested on him with her male best friend. He never talks bad about his ex and they're still good friends. One day there was party/gathering at his place, and I was feeling very ignored, I don't drink and i don't smoke and it was my first party( it wasnt like a proper party but it was a bit wild for me) . After the party this guy immediately started giving me alot of affection and whatnot, his friends then came to his place and he said he wanted to introduce me to them, they were getting ready to drink again, i felt disrespected bc the first I would do if my friends came over and my other friends were already there would be to introduce them. I left immediately and i knew he was going clubbing in the evening . I felt uneasy the whole time and I sent him a text saying it's better to break up and when he saw the text he didn't even bother to fix it, he was like ok then. Next day i wanted closure so I talked to him and he made it seem like he never wanted to be in a relationship with me and that if he really liked me all that much he would have been in a relationship with me, I felt used because he was my first kiss and everything. We got a little physical but not the whole way. I asked him about this and he told me I was judging him based on his past, he got defensive, even raised his voice a little as in not yelling at me but yeah ( he has/had a bodycount of around 12 or 11, even hes not sure, except for his ex all were casual, he told me he started doing casuals after his ex cheated on him bc alot of girls wanted to be with him while they were together apparently, he rejected them all so once his ex was gone i guess his ego was hurt, I should've taken this as a red flag ik but that was apparently the reason why he wanted to date first before getting into a relationship, bc he didn't know how I would react to this info) . That Convo was horrible, I felt crushed and he looked genuinely sad. We had a program later on that week and we went to his place because he made his friend invite us ( "us" as in me and my friend) , at a point it was just him and my friend and my friend asked him if he still had feelings for me,to which he smiled so she said "a little" and he agreed (A few days back when I wanted closure he told me he has nothing to move on from, and that he would just miss me as a friend) . But then my mom got to know about me attending a party without informing her and somehow she got to know about me and him so me and my friend called him but then I had a moment of weakness so I told him I need him in my life and I was feeling really down without him so i told him that I would change for him he wanted me to, but then he told me he can't do relationships because he can't do the commitment or loyalty that comes with a relationship , so I asked him " you can't be loyal" to which he said "no", a few mins later he told me he will get into a relationship if he finds a girl who's his "vibe" someone who's like him, likes to party, go clubbing, drinking, smoking, who's ok with him being touchy with his friends. I'm not saying thats his vibe, I'm just saying that part of his personality is something that I just simply do not align with. We eventually saw eachother afterwards and I decided I need to still be friendly and see him often to eventually move on from him ( bc we used to see eachother everyday and life felt empty without him) , but then him and a few mutuals were excluding me, they weren't actively excluding me but I could tell that they didn't want me there so I decided to stop going there bc i already developed a rountine without him and I was moving on now. He called me there and i said no. My mom had come to see me and he talked to my mom bc she also has an issue with me attending the party despite me not smoking or drinking. He called me a few days later, I said I'm not going, and he asked why so I started beating around the bush so he said something along the lines of if you're gonna be like this with me, I'm not gonna call u anymore so I told him that I used to come to his place to move on from him and now I don't like him anymore so I don't need to come there, and i said that i have alot of boundaries so obviously if I find a partner, they would also naturally have alot of boundaries and me disrespecting that is me jeopardizing my chance of attracting ppl who have similar boundaries like I do. I'm not saying I'm actively looking for anyone, no i need to heal now, and love is something that finds us, ik, I'm just saying that I should maintain healthy boundaries, to which he replied " I know you don't have another person right now" as in romantically, to which I explained that this is just a boundary I have , so he asked me "what about your freedom" which i found to be a weird question. I started ignoring him when I see him in college . But then a couple of days ago our mutual called us to talk it out and he looked genuinely sad , his eyes were very soft and we talked it out, so I started talking to him like any acquaintance, not as friends but as a familiar face, he's made it clear to me that he would always be there for me as a friend, and he seemed genuinely really hurt that I was ignoring him. That day when my mom found out, he had called my mom to explain she didn't pick up then so when she felt like talking to him she called him back and he came and met me at a place where me and my friend was to talk about that, that evening I went to his place just as a friend, We were watching a sitcom and suddenly he had that same soft expression and when my friend was looking away he tickled my knee ( idk how to explain, it's a thing he does with his hands that's very ticklish 😭😭😭) I pulled away so he turned away ( my friend told him NOT to do anything like that because for me any physical contact is just really important) . I know this isn't in order at all, but a few days ago me and another riend were walking when these random creeps started following us, i called him, we dropped my friend off and I asked him to drop me as well on the way we started talking and he had that same expression again, again as in the whole time. Infact after we talked it out for the last time, he's always had that expression, hes usually a very high energy person but he seemed a bit down recently. If this were any other guy i would've just thought ok he's not into u and moved on but he's been so vulnerable with me and he doesn't usually get vulnerable with anyone like that, he doesn't get emotional with many like that, so now I'm just wondering what is going on

Question

Hi, I need help. Im trying to move on from my ex ( i think) but this one question keeps bothering me, "has he truly moved on from me" or "does he still have feelings for me". We knew eachother for 2 months and we started dating on sep 14th for a week before i broke it off. I wanted to get into a relationship because I loved him but he wanted to date. That would've been fine with me but he told me he had commitment issues and that really upset me because prior to this we had a phase where we would flirt with eachother and he gave me no such notion that he had commitment issues. One day we had a heart to heart before all of this and I understood we just had different boundaries in relationships, he likes alot of reels of random girls , it could be transitions edits etc, I felt like he didn't think I was enough and moreover I felt like the dedication I had wasn't being reciprocated, so I decided I would start keeping a distance but then the next day when we went out for a walk we had a petty argument over him smoking so i stormed off and then he came to my pg, his eyes were all watery ( I've never seen him like that before, he's not a very emotional person, so it hurt alot seeing him like that, it was v unexpected). After some time I felt bad and wanted to talk it out with him so i called him and we went out for a night ride and he said that our Convo from the previous day really hurt him bc during that Convo I asked him "are you this touchy with all your friends" and the general Convo was regarding boundaries and whatnot, he immediately sensed I was keeping a distance bc I didn't let him hold my hand anymore or anything like that even tho I was still being friendly, he then told me "in a relationship both ppl have to adjust" and that he was willing to adjust and change, fast forward a few days he was acting like he wasn't interested in relationships or anything like that, I felt betrayed and hurt, I cried, he then told me he liked me but he had commitment issues, he told me about how the relationship between his parents negatively affected him alot and even tho he didn't mention his ex i knew it was a part of it, they had been friends for a long time and they were in a relationship with eachother for 1 and a half years until she chested on him with her male best friend. He never talks bad about his ex and they're still good friends. One day there was party/gathering at his place, and I was feeling very ignored, I don't drink and i don't smoke and it was my first party( it wasnt like a proper party but it was a bit wild for me) . After the party this guy immediately started giving me alot of affection and whatnot, his friends then came to his place and he said he wanted to introduce me to them, they were getting ready to drink again, i felt disrespected bc the first I would do if my friends came over and my other friends were already there would be to introduce them. I left immediately and i knew he was going clubbing in the evening . I felt uneasy the whole time and I sent him a text saying it's better to break up and when he saw the text he didn't even bother to fix it, he was like ok then. Next day i wanted closure so I talked to him and he made it seem like he never wanted to be in a relationship with me and that if he really liked me all that much he would have been in a relationship with me, I felt used because he was my first kiss and everything. We got a little physical but not the whole way. I asked him about this and he told me I was judging him based on his past, he got defensive, even raised his voice a little as in not yelling at me but yeah ( he has/had a bodycount of around 12 or 11, even hes not sure, except for his ex all were casual, he told me he started doing casuals after his ex cheated on him bc alot of girls wanted to be with him while they were together apparently, he rejected them all so once his ex was gone i guess his ego was hurt, I should've taken this as a red flag ik but that was apparently the reason why he wanted to date first before getting into a relationship, bc he didn't know how I would react to this info) . That Convo was horrible, I felt crushed and he looked genuinely sad. We had a program later on that week and we went to his place because he made his friend invite us ( "us" as in me and my friend) , at a point it was just him and my friend and my friend asked him if he still had feelings for me,to which he smiled so she said "a little" and he agreed (A few days back when I wanted closure he told me he has nothing to move on from, and that he would just miss me as a friend) . But then my mom got to know about me attending a party without informing her and somehow she got to know about me and him so me and my friend called him but then I had a moment of weakness so I told him I need him in my life and  I was feeling really down without him so i told him that I would change for him he wanted me to, but then he told me he can't do relationships because he can't do the commitment or loyalty that comes with a relationship , so I asked him " you can't be loyal" to which he said "no", a few mins later he told me he will get into a relationship  if he finds a girl who's his "vibe" someone who's like him, likes to party, go clubbing, drinking, smoking, who's ok with him being touchy with his friends. I'm not saying thats his vibe, I'm just saying that part of his personality is something that I just simply do not align with. We eventually saw eachother afterwards and I decided I need to still be friendly and see him often to eventually move on from him ( bc we used to see eachother everyday and life felt empty without him) , but then him and a few mutuals were excluding me, they weren't actively excluding me but I could tell that they didn't want me there so I decided to stop going there bc i already developed a rountine without him and I was moving on now. He called me there and i said no. My mom had come to see me and he talked to my mom bc she also has an issue with me attending the party despite me not smoking or drinking. He called me a few days later, I said I'm not going, and he asked why so I started beating around the bush so he said something along the lines of if you're gonna be like this with me, I'm not gonna call u anymore so I told him that I used to come to his place to move on from him and now I don't like him anymore so I don't need to come there, and i said that i have alot of boundaries so obviously if I find a partner, they would also naturally have alot of boundaries and me disrespecting that is me jeopardizing my chance of attracting ppl who have similar boundaries like I do. I'm not saying I'm actively looking for anyone, no i need to heal now, and love is something that finds us, ik, I'm just saying that I should maintain healthy boundaries, to which he replied " I know you don't have another person right now" as in romantically, to which I explained that this is just a boundary I have , so he asked me "what about your freedom" which i found to be a weird question. I started ignoring him when I see him in college . But then a couple of days ago our mutual called us to talk it out and he looked genuinely sad , his eyes were very soft and we talked it out, so I started talking to him like any acquaintance, not as friends but as a familiar face, he's made it clear to me that he would always be there for me as a friend, and he seemed genuinely really hurt that I was ignoring him. That day when my mom found out, he had called my mom to explain she didn't pick up then so when she felt like talking to him she called him back and he came and met me at a place where me and my friend was to talk about that, that evening I went to his place just as a friend, We were watching a sitcom and suddenly he had that same soft expression and when my friend was looking away he tickled my knee ( idk how to explain, it's a thing he does with his hands that's very ticklish 😭😭😭) I pulled away so he turned away ( my friend told him NOT to do anything like that because for me any physical contact is just really important) .  I know this isn't in order at all, but a few days ago me and another riend were walking when these random creeps started following us, i called him, we dropped my friend off and I asked him to drop me as well on the way we started talking and he had that same expression again, again as in the whole time. Infact after we talked it out for the last time, he's always had that expression, hes usually a very high energy person but he seemed a bit down recently. If this were any other guy i would've just thought ok he's not into u and moved on but he's been so vulnerable with me and he doesn't usually get vulnerable with anyone like that, he doesn't get emotional with many like that, so now I'm just wondering what  is going on

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I'm someone with a psychology background so hear me out , this guy & you share a history together you have memories together no doubt...however you thinking about him , thinking about going back , it's just loneliness n you don't actually miss this person but you miss the familarity you had.
If you had a 10 year old person going through all the things you're going through what will you say to this kid??
As time passes we think in our heads that "maybe it wasn't that bad maybe i was wrong , maybe i had stricter boundaries stuff like that ...
You know what will happen when you go back? They will be nice to you for a while maybe you'll feel a change but after a month or two it will be back to where you left......
I know going through all this is hard but if you keep the breakup you'll eventually heal with time but if you think about going back you'll cry , feel sad , heartbroken multiple times..
And lastly "you haven't met all the people of your life yet they are yet to come".