Hi. I hope you're well.
Im 22 and in my last year of college. I recently got a job that I start in 2 months, hopefully. I have been struggling a lot lately. I think I wasted my college life and didnt realise it while it was happening. or I knew it was being wasted but I ignored it so that I dont feel uncomfortable. Now that I have 8 months left to graduate I feel like I couldve done so much if I was more confident and put in more effort and didnt feel inferior to people. I think I peaked in school and now that thought makes me feel pathetic. all I do is weep in the middle of the night cause of the pain this causes me. I see my batchmates and they really did it. I feel like im so lost and I cant live in this pain of regret anymore. I think my parents are happy but I've disappointed them so much when I failed 2 courses in college. I wish I knew what to do. I know Im capable but im so lost. I dont know what I want with myself or with my life. What do I do? How do I get over this pain?
and as they say a person who lack purpose in life obsesses over romantic connections. that is true. but I dont really lack purpose. I feel like I like the attention these romantic connections get me. when I was younger I connected with my mom a lot. She was probably my best friend. she understood me. but now we've drifted apart so badly. she doesnt understand me anymore. she wants me to have a normal life ik but thats also selfish right cause then itd mean she didnt fail as a parent. anyways the point is now im left with a void to fill from this relationship and I keep letting in people who give me attention and it doesnt matter whether I really like them or not. that is not how I want to live. but I also dont know how to react. I just give me energy to them when they give me attention,
I want to build a life where Im self reliant, happy and have prospering relationships with my family and friends. the relationships that are worth something to me and are not for namesake. so what do i do? how do I stop looking for romantic connections everywhere I go?

Question

Hi. I hope you're well. 
Im 22 and in my last year of college. I recently got a job that I start in 2 months, hopefully. I have been struggling a lot lately. I think I wasted my college life and didnt realise it while it was happening. or I knew it was being wasted but I ignored it so that I dont feel uncomfortable. Now that I have 8 months left to graduate I feel like I couldve done so much if I was more confident and put in more effort and didnt feel inferior to people. I think I peaked in school and now that thought makes me feel pathetic. all I do is weep in the middle of the night cause of the pain this causes me. I see my batchmates and they really did it. I feel like im so lost and I cant live in this pain of regret anymore. I think my parents are happy but I've disappointed them so much when I failed 2 courses in college. I wish I knew what to do. I know Im capable but im so lost. I dont know what I want with myself or with my life. What do I do? How do I get over this pain?
and as they say a person who lack purpose in life obsesses over romantic connections. that is true. but I dont really lack purpose. I feel like I like the attention these romantic connections get me. when I was younger I connected with my mom a lot. She was probably my best friend. she understood me. but now we've drifted apart so badly. she doesnt understand me anymore. she wants me to have a normal life ik but thats also selfish right cause then itd mean she didnt fail as a parent. anyways the point is now im left with a void to fill from this relationship and I keep letting in people who give me attention and it doesnt matter whether I really like them or not. that is not how I want to live. but I also dont know how to react. I just give me energy to them when they give me attention,
I want to build a life where Im self reliant, happy and have prospering relationships with my family and friends. the relationships that are worth something to me and are not for namesake. so what do i do? how do I stop looking for romantic connections everywhere I go?

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

First of all you've got 8 months of college life rest,go live it to the fullest, don't worry about anything the studies, or what other would think of u. Just make the most out of it and live your last few months in college the way you want and for the romantic connection I can see why you feel that way but I'd suggest not force it or rush it because that way you'll only attract the opposite of what you want. Just let time and universe do its thing, you will meet someone who is meant for you and i hope it's happens sooner