Hi. I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

I was with someone for three years, someone I trusted with everything, only to find out that he had been cheating on me throughout the relationship. His friends became my friends, and somewhere along the way, I distanced myself from almost everyone I had of my own because of him. When everything fell apart, it shattered me completely. What made it even worse was that I had been cheated on before, and despite knowing how much that had hurt me, I still chose to trust someone again. And somehow, I ended up going through the same thing.

I’ve been in a really dark place ever since, and despite all this time passing, I still haven’t been able to move on or feel like myself again.

After a very long time, I finally allowed myself to get close to someone new and build a friendship. I genuinely thought I had found a good person, someone I could trust. But then, one day, they just switched up. The sweetest person suddenly became the rudest, and I was left wondering what I had done wrong. I kept trying to save that friendship because I’m not someone who gives up on people easily. I kept holding on, even when it was clear that I was the only one trying. Eventually, all I was told was that I was embarrassing myself.

And honestly, I don’t understand. Why are people like this? Why does it feel like every time I let someone into my life, I end up losing a part of myself? Why is it so difficult to find people who genuinely mean what they say and stay when things get real?

I feel incredibly alone and broken. I’ve reached a point where I can’t even focus on the things I’m supposed to be doing. I feel so lost that I don’t even recognise myself anymore.

I’ve started drinking and smoking, and lately, I’ve even caught myself thinking about getting into hookups, not necessarily because I want to, but because I think I’m desperately looking for some temporary connection, some affection, or just the feeling of being wanted by someone. I know these things won’t necessarily fix anything, but I think I’m just trying to fill a void that I don’t know how to deal with.

I don’t know what’s happening to me anymore. Everything feels so chaotic. I have so much going on inside my head, so many feelings I can’t process, and I can’t even find the right words to explain what I’m going through.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, reassurance, or just someone to tell me that I’m not crazy for feeling this way. I just know that I’m tired of feeling this alone. I’m tired of being the person who keeps trying, keeps trusting, keeps forgiving, and somehow ends up being the one left picking up all the pieces.

Question

Hi. I don’t even know where to begin, but I feel like I need to get this off my chest.

I was with someone for three years, someone I trusted with everything, only to find out that he had been cheating on me throughout the relationship. His friends became my friends, and somewhere along the way, I distanced myself from almost everyone I had of my own because of him. When everything fell apart, it shattered me completely. What made it even worse was that I had been cheated on before, and despite knowing how much that had hurt me, I still chose to trust someone again. And somehow, I ended up going through the same thing.

I’ve been in a really dark place ever since, and despite all this time passing, I still haven’t been able to move on or feel like myself again.

After a very long time, I finally allowed myself to get close to someone new and build a friendship. I genuinely thought I had found a good person, someone I could trust. But then, one day, they just switched up. The sweetest person suddenly became the rudest, and I was left wondering what I had done wrong. I kept trying to save that friendship because I’m not someone who gives up on people easily. I kept holding on, even when it was clear that I was the only one trying. Eventually, all I was told was that I was embarrassing myself.

And honestly, I don’t understand. Why are people like this? Why does it feel like every time I let someone into my life, I end up losing a part of myself? Why is it so difficult to find people who genuinely mean what they say and stay when things get real?

I feel incredibly alone and broken. I’ve reached a point where I can’t even focus on  the things I’m supposed to be doing. I feel so lost that I don’t even recognise myself anymore.

I’ve started drinking and smoking, and lately, I’ve even caught myself thinking about getting into hookups, not necessarily because I want to, but because I think I’m desperately looking for some temporary connection, some affection, or just the feeling of being wanted by someone. I know these things won’t necessarily fix anything, but I think I’m just trying to fill a void that I don’t know how to deal with.

I don’t know what’s happening to me anymore. Everything feels so chaotic. I have so much going on inside my head, so many feelings I can’t process, and I can’t even find the right words to explain what I’m going through.

I don’t know if I’m looking for advice, reassurance, or just someone to tell me that I’m not crazy for feeling this way. I just know that I’m tired of feeling this alone. I’m tired of being the person who keeps trying, keeps trusting, keeps forgiving, and somehow ends up being the one left picking up all the pieces.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I can understand some parts of your situation. I feel like you are going through a phase in which the universe wants you to accept and love yourself more.i hope you don't realise that you are a unique person who get to experience this world for a limited time. Why don't you try to make this stay more pleasurable, loving and comfortable for yourself. 
I think that you should try your childhood hobbies.  Try to participate in communities and find things that makes you feel loved most .
You can enjoy this alone time to your fullest . Also remember that you are not crazy for feeling like this . You are a beautiful soul who is a miracle to this world.  You deserve love and care unconditionally. 
Just love yourself a little.  You will get out of this transition phase slowly .