HEYY STRANGER PLEASE BR KIND AND DONT JUDGE ME

I have been in a relationship with a guy since 2020.

Initially, everything was beautiful. He was incredibly affectionate towards me, would go out of his way to make me happy, respected my wishes, and would patiently wait for my replies. At first, I found it difficult to believe his feelings were genuine, but his gentleness, patience, and consistency gradually won my heart. I eventually fell in love with him.

I was always afraid of confessing my feelings because I feared that the moment I admitted how deeply I loved him, his behaviour would change. However, he continued treating me with the same affection and tenderness, even during times when I wasn’t particularly good at reciprocating his efforts. He never seemed to lose interest or become less affectionate. He constantly reassured me that he wanted to marry me and envisioned a future together.

Eventually, in 2025, I gathered the courage to confess my feelings. I told him that I genuinely loved him, and he seemed happier than ever. However, things gradually began to change. He started emotionally withdrawing, becoming distant and increasingly unavailable.

In September 2025, I lost my younger brother to a medical condition. I was incredibly attached to him, and losing him shattered me in ways I cannot put into words. I needed emotional support more than ever, especially from someone who had repeatedly promised to stand by me. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there for me. Even when I cried in front of him, he showed little concern. He would simply disappear offline whenever I needed him. I would even try calling him through my SIM card, only to discover that he had blocked my number.

Eventually, I gave up. I convinced myself that perhaps he had never been serious about me and that I had been emotionally invested in someone who was merely playing with my feelings. I went completely no-contact.

However, he started messaging and calling me relentlessly. I initially ignored his attempts to reach me, but eventually decided to answer one of his calls. He broke down crying, telling me that he couldn’t live without me and that he simply needed another chance to make things right. I believed him and decided to give the relationship another opportunity.

For a few days, everything seemed normal, but before long, the same pattern resurfaced. He started making excuses about being busy and repeatedly told me that he couldn’t deal with me. Once again, I walked away and blocked him everywhere.

He then started contacting me through his mother’s phone. Eventually, I gave in once again because a part of me genuinely wanted to believe that he had changed.

Over time, I began recognising what seemed to be an anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic. I considered myself anxiously attached, while he appeared to have avoidant tendencies. We mutually agreed to seek professional help through couples therapy. I even paid for the session myself. However, when the day arrived, he refused to attend. He said he wasn’t ready, needed more time to think, and would arrange therapy himself when he felt comfortable.

Regardless, I attended the session on my own and made a genuine effort to implement everything my therapist recommended. I learned to regulate my emotions, stopped repeatedly asking for the bare minimum, avoided unnecessary arguments, and tried to give him the space he seemed to need.

But instead of appreciating my efforts, he became increasingly disrespectful. He started belittling me, making degrading remarks about my intelligence and even questioning my ability to achieve my academic and professional goals. He would say things that made me feel inadequate and unworthy.

Eventually, I walked away again because I could no longer tolerate being treated that way.

What hurts the most is the recurring pattern. Whenever he senses that I am finally moving on, he reappears in my life, disrupts whatever emotional progress I have made, makes promises about changing, and then gradually returns to his old behaviour.

Whenever I go no-contact, he doesn’t immediately pursue me. He can go days without reaching out. It is only when he begins to realise that I might genuinely be gone for good that he starts messaging and calling again. Sometimes, when I struggle to control my emotions and end up reaching out first, he turns around and tells me that I cannot live without him and that I am the one who lacks consistency. What he actually means by consistency is that I am no longer constantly chasing him or seeking his attention.

After everything that has happened, I have decided not to contact him again. However, he has started messaging and calling me once more over the past three or four days, and I have been deliberately ignoring his attempts to reach me.

The truth is, I still love him. I don’t think I will ever be able to hate him, regardless of how deeply he has hurt me. A part of me even believes that he might love me too, but his inability to remain emotionally consistent makes it incredibly difficult to maintain this relationship.

I understand that he may have unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or fears surrounding intimacy and commitment. I genuinely tried to understand his perspective and accommodate his emotional limitations. But what about me? Don’t I deserve to be understood as well? Don’t my feelings, emotional needs, and need for reassurance matter?

He refuses to communicate whenever something goes wrong. Instead of addressing problems, finding solutions, or having difficult conversations, he simply disappears. When he eventually comes back, he acts as though nothing ever happened. And whenever I try to revisit the issue and seek some form of accountability or closure, he dismisses me by saying that we’ve already discussed it and that I should move on.

Now he is once again promising that he will change and that he wants to marry me, but I find it incredibly difficult to believe him anymore. I have heard these promises countless times, only to be disappointed by the same behaviour.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I am struggling to move on because he was the first guy I ever allowed myself to love so deeply. He was my first experience of romantic love, and despite everything, I still find myself emotionally attached to him.

Am I holding on to someone who is incapable of giving me the love and emotional security I deserve? Should I finally walk away, even though a part of me still hopes that things might work out? How do I move on from someone I still love so deeply?

Thank you, stranger, for taking the time to listen to me vent and allowing me to get everything off my chest.”

Question

HEYY STRANGER PLEASE BR KIND AND DONT JUDGE ME

I have been in a relationship with a guy since 2020.

Initially, everything was beautiful. He was incredibly affectionate towards me, would go out of his way to make me happy, respected my wishes, and would patiently wait for my replies. At first, I found it difficult to believe his feelings were genuine, but his gentleness, patience, and consistency gradually won my heart. I eventually fell in love with him.

I was always afraid of confessing my feelings because I feared that the moment I admitted how deeply I loved him, his behaviour would change. However, he continued treating me with the same affection and tenderness, even during times when I wasn’t particularly good at reciprocating his efforts. He never seemed to lose interest or become less affectionate. He constantly reassured me that he wanted to marry me and envisioned a future together.

Eventually, in 2025, I gathered the courage to confess my feelings. I told him that I genuinely loved him, and he seemed happier than ever. However, things gradually began to change. He started emotionally withdrawing, becoming distant and increasingly unavailable.

In September 2025, I lost my younger brother to a medical condition. I was incredibly attached to him, and losing him shattered me in ways I cannot put into words. I needed emotional support more than ever, especially from someone who had repeatedly promised to stand by me. Unfortunately, he wasn’t there for me. Even when I cried in front of him, he showed little concern. He would simply disappear offline whenever I needed him. I would even try calling him through my SIM card, only to discover that he had blocked my number.

Eventually, I gave up. I convinced myself that perhaps he had never been serious about me and that I had been emotionally invested in someone who was merely playing with my feelings. I went completely no-contact.

However, he started messaging and calling me relentlessly. I initially ignored his attempts to reach me, but eventually decided to answer one of his calls. He broke down crying, telling me that he couldn’t live without me and that he simply needed another chance to make things right. I believed him and decided to give the relationship another opportunity.

For a few days, everything seemed normal, but before long, the same pattern resurfaced. He started making excuses about being busy and repeatedly told me that he couldn’t deal with me. Once again, I walked away and blocked him everywhere.

He then started contacting me through his mother’s phone. Eventually, I gave in once again because a part of me genuinely wanted to believe that he had changed.

Over time, I began recognising what seemed to be an anxious-avoidant relationship dynamic. I considered myself anxiously attached, while he appeared to have avoidant tendencies. We mutually agreed to seek professional help through couples therapy. I even paid for the session myself. However, when the day arrived, he refused to attend. He said he wasn’t ready, needed more time to think, and would arrange therapy himself when he felt comfortable.

Regardless, I attended the session on my own and made a genuine effort to implement everything my therapist recommended. I learned to regulate my emotions, stopped repeatedly asking for the bare minimum, avoided unnecessary arguments, and tried to give him the space he seemed to need.

But instead of appreciating my efforts, he became increasingly disrespectful. He started belittling me, making degrading remarks about my intelligence and even questioning my ability to achieve my academic and professional goals. He would say things that made me feel inadequate and unworthy.

Eventually, I walked away again because I could no longer tolerate being treated that way.

What hurts the most is the recurring pattern. Whenever he senses that I am finally moving on, he reappears in my life, disrupts whatever emotional progress I have made, makes promises about changing, and then gradually returns to his old behaviour.

Whenever I go no-contact, he doesn’t immediately pursue me. He can go days without reaching out. It is only when he begins to realise that I might genuinely be gone for good that he starts messaging and calling again. Sometimes, when I struggle to control my emotions and end up reaching out first, he turns around and tells me that I cannot live without him and that I am the one who lacks consistency. What he actually means by consistency is that I am no longer constantly chasing him or seeking his attention.

After everything that has happened, I have decided not to contact him again. However, he has started messaging and calling me once more over the past three or four days, and I have been deliberately ignoring his attempts to reach me.

The truth is, I still love him. I don’t think I will ever be able to hate him, regardless of how deeply he has hurt me. A part of me even believes that he might love me too, but his inability to remain emotionally consistent makes it incredibly difficult to maintain this relationship.

I understand that he may have unresolved trauma, emotional wounds, or fears surrounding intimacy and commitment. I genuinely tried to understand his perspective and accommodate his emotional limitations. But what about me? Don’t I deserve to be understood as well? Don’t my feelings, emotional needs, and need for reassurance matter?

He refuses to communicate whenever something goes wrong. Instead of addressing problems, finding solutions, or having difficult conversations, he simply disappears. When he eventually comes back, he acts as though nothing ever happened. And whenever I try to revisit the issue and seek some form of accountability or closure, he dismisses me by saying that we’ve already discussed it and that I should move on.

Now he is once again promising that he will change and that he wants to marry me, but I find it incredibly difficult to believe him anymore. I have heard these promises countless times, only to be disappointed by the same behaviour.

I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I am struggling to move on because he was the first guy I ever allowed myself to love so deeply. He was my first experience of romantic love, and despite everything, I still find myself emotionally attached to him.

Am I holding on to someone who is incapable of giving me the love and emotional security I deserve? Should I finally walk away, even though a part of me still hopes that things might work out? How do I move on from someone I still love so deeply?

Thank you, stranger, for taking the time to listen to me vent and allowing me to get everything off my chest.”

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

After hearing your story makes me realize even I am trapped somehwere in a same situation as you but as for me I was brave enough and walked away from him but I would always love  and I can never seemed to hate him ... it is absolutely fine to love someone and still walk away because we to deserve the kind of love we give.