“Hello stranger..I hope everything's fine over thr nd ur doing fine.. atleast will be happy someone is doing gud..
Honestly.. idk uk..I'm not sure if this one actually is a anonymous one or not..shuld I trust it..nd vent out things which I never ever disclosed to some of my close ones also..but thrs this fact..or probably thts how life or human being work uk..how much ever u bottle up things..whn things can't fill up anymore..ull always keep finding for ways u can vent out ryt..lik how i stumbled this website through insta nd thought of giving it a try..but..rn I'm not evn able to txt the thing out..which I thought i would do easily here as both of us are strangers ryt..but i'll try my best here atleast..to express my real self..or the thoughts..tht keep wandering every time thy r left free..
So.. again idk whr to strt at..coz life..this LIFE..which sounded..nahi which was sweet nd happie for a while..has now turned the complete opp.. grief...
GRIEF do change ppl completely na..? I hv become a totally new person now.. probably my own mini self would never ever imagined she would see her elder self in such a devastated state of life..or me.. myself wouldn't evn think..i would be the way I'm now..it's basically..I hv mastered my skills.. become a pro in acting uk.. the mask..the MASK of.."yeah I'm fine.. alright.. dealing with it..or ntg has happened (to the new ones who hv entered my life not knowing the past)..back to normal"
But..this is nly possible whn I'm surrounded with ppl ryt..wht mask shall I wear..or is left for me..whn I'm home..in my room..just by myself..is thr any way tht I'll be able to decieve myself..nd keep myself in tht delulu world I'm whn I'm with ppl.. imagining creating a world.. living with the person who has left me now..all alone..
Nd the thing is..all say uk..or ppl say ryt..whn ull pass through the worst nightmare..at one point..ull get some spark ryt..God will be with u etc etc..
But in my case..God..I'm angry confused sad..uk i undergo evry single emotions whenever I hear ppl uttering tht word..coz if it was true..true tht god will be thr for the good ones..or god will protect their devotees.. anything lik tht...if tht was true..true atleast for 0.1%..i wouldn't be going through smtg so harsh the fate has got me through..I hv lost hope in tht word..I don't evn think or believe..God is listening or whtever..I hv lost my hope in tht energy..coz this was not the nly thing..this obivo played the main role..but later.. whenever..i believed..strted believing all over again tht..he'll save me..God is thr..thy hv showed me the opp..the results hv turned in way i didn't evn imagine i would hv to go through..so how much more do u expect one to bear the loser feeling ryt?thr is a limit for all the testing trails he(god) would put on one ryt? If these sacrifices were meant for smtg gud..I never wanted tht..never ever in my life I wanted smtg..which would cost my dear one ryt..if nly it was possible for me to get tht person back.. back to this world..back to the days it was before..i would trade my life for tht..
I hv lost my spark..the girl I was before..the carefree energy which was in me..I hv lost it all...idk if I'll ever get it back..I hv gone through this constant disappointmet by now tht.. living alive feels hard uk..i might feel lik a sunshine for ppl who just see me outside but..I hv built my walls so high tht neither can I get out..nor let ppl in..it's just tht..tht one incident has broken me to my soul.. crashed me in ways I never thought was possible..nd has shaken my existence..I'm just numb most of the times..hv no clue if anything good will ever come across my path again..but the nly thing which is keeping me alive is.. I want to make my parents proud..is wishing nd working for tht also is a sin..?
Sometimes I just think..rn..thr is a lot of negativity.. negative thoughts filled inside me due to which whtever.. howmuch ever good I think..my subconscious mind will always hv this bad shit plot.. which'll thn turn into reality or smtg more worse will work up.. but evn whn I had majority of positive thoughts..the same fate worked up again ryt..so sometimes..the things I'm going through..the happening ones..all make me question myself..don't I deserve any happiness..?don't i stranger..?
I'm sorry uk..lik if I hv disturbed u or ur mind in any way possible..mini forgive me..
I wanted to txt more..vent things more..but for now..I feel..this much is a lot..I hv put some of my major thought out here..which'll come nd hv it's attack all over again in a while.. but...thankuu...thank youuu..for reading this patiently (if u hv..or nw if u evn skipped some parts)
But if u hv come till here...I just wanna say.. thankyou for giving me nd my lil thoughts ur time.. thankyou for making some part of me seen :)”
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Someone answered with kindness...
It’s okay darling. The best is yet to come your way. I see you okay, and you deserve happiness, you truly do. It will all work out in the end, trust me.
I suggest PRACTICE GRATITUDE, thank every lil thing and person that helps you throughout your day. If not god, Beleive in the power of universe, pray to the power of it, BELEIVE IN YOU. you got this!
✦ This sign has found its fate.
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Wandering voices — answers no one has read yet
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Another soul answered...
oh hey! I read the whole thing. First of all, this phase happens to everyone, it is also happening to me, i too lost my faith in god, but you know what..the more you depend on others for your joy the less of it you get. I'll tell you.. you didn't lose your little self, your carefree self ever, she is there inside waiting for a safe space. God is our guide, otherwise everything is ours to face. God can show us direction you just have to ask. Do thing, take a time of your day, spend it for what makes you feel you, don't allow anyone to get in it. Life is messy and hard and you make walls yes and that is not bad, never bad. Keep the walls, those who love you would not mind it. Don't apologize for being yourself. I see you. I'm here. I see how much you struggle but girl, that makes you a queen!!! Smile when you see this and give yourself a hug from me!!