Hello, so the thing is I have a of and on relationship with my parents they have been like particular that I should score good marks and I should be first and all the things and I was that till 10th and after that I got less marks and I couldn't be wt I thought I would be that was the hardest of all like my mom used to sit and compare me with others and my dad is not emotionally available it's like I should make him understand rather than than he will understand and this continued like even if i say something it would turn into fight and it got worse when I got fat and they started to comment on it to now things are not bad like now they don't talk so much shit cause I have stopped talking to them if it is not necessary and now since few days idk they have started acting weirdly like they expect me to open up to them they want to talk with them cause when all this was happening I started dating a guy and he was not bad and not bad though I broke up uk wt they think they think that I will get distracted itseems so I should sit and talk maybe I did mistake that I was in a relationship but who doesn't crave for love when ur just a teenager who is figuring out but when I thought that won't work out we ended on good terms and if they were so incapable of loving so obviously a human would search for outside that's wt I did and it was my mistake ik and I have actually learned from it idk there past behaviour is something that I can never forget cause I was just a child so idk should I forgive them

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

hey, i think i understand how you feel. but feelings are subjective so take this with a grain of salt. forgiveness doesn’t have to be loud sweety. you can always forgive them in silence so that it’s better for you. you might feel that after you open up, they might get the idea of you being open to their criticism again. for them its essential for growth. but for us its killing on the inside. you don’t have to beat yourself up for being in a relationship, its not as big as some parents make it out be. everyone deserves love honey. people like us have to look for it in order to just experience it. nothing wrong with that.
as a med student i gotta tell you, your childhood makes up for most of your adult personality and the fact that you never felt safe was a mistake on their end. you don’t have to go out of your way to forgive them, especially when they’re not even sorry. i suggest you take the space you need but still forgive them in silence so that you feel better. i have been in the exact same situation as you are rn. when i moved away from home for med school, our conversations and everything changed. since i was 13yrs old i felt this way, now im 19 and my relationship with my parents doesn’t feel as strained anymore. i was not obligated to forgive them anymore. i chose distance and acceptance. its hard at first but once u get a hang of it, you’ll feel this is how it always should’ve been, there would be not enough space for arguments too. so i genuinely suggest you work on yourself, stop beating yourself up for other people’s floating expectations of you. try to be the best version of yourself and put space between yourself and people who make you feel criticised. love ya