Hello,

I hope you all are doing well.

For reference, I'm a 19 year old woman, a student pursuing Bcom degree along with Chartered Accountancy (CA).

I'm reaching out because I've been struggling with the issues below for a long time, and they have started affecting my daily life, studies, and relationships. I'm mentally exhausted and I don't know how to get out of this cycle.

I constantly feel like people secretly dislike me, and I find it difficult to believe that I can genuinely be likeable. After almost every social interaction, I replay everything that happened in my head. I analyse people's facial expressions, smiles, messages, my own behaviour, the clothes I wore, my footwear, whether my breath or body smelled, and many other small details, trying to figure out if someone thought badly of me.

My concerns about odour started because I have always had an excessively sweaty body. In 10th grade, certain people would move away from me or make gestures that made me feel self-conscious. It has been three years since then, and things are not the same anymore, but even now, if someone makes a small gesture or moves slightly, I immediately become conscious and start scanning the people around me to see whether my breath or body odour is bothering them.

Even when someone reassures me that everything was fine, I only feel better for a short while before my mind finds something new to worry about. It feels like my brain is constantly scanning for danger, and I find it very difficult to relax around people, especially my school friends. They have reassured me many times that everything is okay, yet my body still stays on high alert around them. Around my college friends, I'm generally much more relaxed (except for the odour-related worries). Because I'm so conscious around my school friends, I become awkward, speak less, and then convince myself that I'm boring them or that they secretly dislike me.

I have also always been judged for my appearance. I don't meet society's standards of being conventionally attractive, and I often feel invisible when there is someone considered prettier in the group. Even when people do include me, I find it difficult to respond naturally because I'm constantly thinking about how they perceive me and also it is difficult for me to respond naturally when people have consistently ignored or excluded me in the past. If they later do something completely normal that includes me, I become self-conscious again because I don't know how to respond.

I also have a difficult family history that I believe may be connected to these feelings. My parents were largely absent during my childhood and left me with my aunt when I was two years old. She raised me until I was almost fifteen, and I was with her through multiple hospital visits before she passed away. After her death, my parents moved back in with me. I don't know whether these experiences have contributed to how I feel today, but I sometimes wonder if they have.

I also struggle a lot with my financial background. I don't come from a poor family, but most of my friends come from families that are financially much more comfortable than mine. They wear branded clothes and shoes, live in newer or bigger houses, and don't seem to worry about these things. I often become very conscious about what I'm wearing, where I bought it from, whether my footwear looks cheap, or whether people will silently judge me for not having branded things. I also feel embarrassed about my old house and bathroom, and I worry about inviting friends over because I'm afraid they'll think less of me. Even though nobody has directly said anything, my mind constantly compares myself with others and assumes people will judge me because of my financial situation.
At the moment, moving out is not an option. My parents would not allow it, and I am not financially independent enough to do so. I am also pursuing Chartered Accountancy, which is a very demanding course, so taking up a full-time job is not feasible right now.

One thing I've noticed is that my mind never seems to stop looking for reasons why people might judge or dislike me. If one worry gets resolved, another one immediately takes its place. I spend hours replaying interactions that other people have probably forgotten. It is exhausting, and I don't know how to stop doing it.

Also recently figured out I have severe vitamin deficiency due to which my health is pretty bad and a lot of mood swings i have consulted my doctor for the same.

I am reaching out because I want to understand why my mind works this way and learn healthier ways to cope. I would really appreciate any guidance or support you can offer.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Question

Hello,

I hope you all are doing well.

For reference, I'm a 19 year old woman, a student pursuing Bcom degree along with Chartered Accountancy (CA).

I'm reaching out because I've been struggling with the issues below for a long time, and they have started affecting my daily life, studies, and relationships. I'm mentally exhausted and I don't know how to get out of this cycle.

I constantly feel like people secretly dislike me, and I find it difficult to believe that I can genuinely be likeable. After almost every social interaction, I replay everything that happened in my head. I analyse people's facial expressions, smiles, messages, my own behaviour, the clothes I wore, my footwear, whether my breath or body smelled, and many other small details, trying to figure out if someone thought badly of me.

My concerns about odour started because I have always had an excessively sweaty body. In 10th grade, certain people would move away from me or make gestures that made me feel self-conscious. It has been three years since then, and things are not the same anymore, but even now, if someone makes a small gesture or moves slightly, I immediately become conscious and start scanning the people around me to see whether my breath or body odour is bothering them.

Even when someone reassures me that everything was fine, I only feel better for a short while before my mind finds something new to worry about. It feels like my brain is constantly scanning for danger, and I find it very difficult to relax around people, especially my school friends. They have reassured me many times that everything is okay, yet my body still stays on high alert around them. Around my college friends, I'm generally much more relaxed (except for the odour-related worries). Because I'm so conscious around my school friends, I become awkward, speak less, and then convince myself that I'm boring them or that they secretly dislike me.

I have also always been judged for my appearance. I don't meet society's standards of being conventionally attractive, and I often feel invisible when there is someone considered prettier in the group. Even when people do include me, I find it difficult to respond naturally because I'm constantly thinking about how they perceive me and also it is difficult for me to respond naturally when people have consistently ignored or excluded me in the past. If they later do something completely normal that includes me, I become self-conscious again because I don't know how to respond.

I also have a difficult family history that I believe may be connected to these feelings. My parents were largely absent during my childhood and left me with my aunt when I was two years old. She raised me until I was almost fifteen, and I was with her through multiple hospital visits before she passed away. After her death, my parents moved back in with me. I don't know whether these experiences have contributed to how I feel today, but I sometimes wonder if they have.

I also struggle a lot with my financial background. I don't come from a poor family, but most of my friends come from families that are financially much more comfortable than mine. They wear branded clothes and shoes, live in newer or bigger houses, and don't seem to worry about these things. I often become very conscious about what I'm wearing, where I bought it from, whether my footwear looks cheap, or whether people will silently judge me for not having branded things. I also feel embarrassed about my old house and bathroom, and I worry about inviting friends over because I'm afraid they'll think less of me. Even though nobody has directly said anything, my mind constantly compares myself with others and assumes people will judge me because of my financial situation.
At the moment, moving out is not an option. My parents would not allow it, and I am not financially independent enough to do so. I am also pursuing Chartered Accountancy, which is a very demanding course, so taking up a full-time job is not feasible right now.
 
One thing I've noticed is that my mind never seems to stop looking for reasons why people might judge or dislike me. If one worry gets resolved, another one immediately takes its place. I spend hours replaying interactions that other people have probably forgotten. It is exhausting, and I don't know how to stop doing it.

Also recently figured out I have severe vitamin deficiency due to which my health is pretty bad and a lot of mood swings i have consulted my doctor for the same.

I am reaching out because I want to understand why my mind works this way and learn healthier ways to cope. I would really appreciate any guidance or support you can offer.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

I am also 19 male. Trust me people don’t care. I was initially scared to vlog in public cause I thought people will stare at me. But then I started and realised no one cares. No one even looked at me once. Don’t care for what people think. Improve your life. Be grateful you have friends. At 19 people have friends, I don’t even have 1 friend. I’d say enjoy your life and don’t stress about what others think. Spend some more time to improve yourself and don’t let others decide whether you look good or not.