“Everything hurts, the thoughts in my head keep getting scarier scarier and scarier i dont want to even live with myself anymore i wish I could just leave im 20 and now im like idk how this is hitting me now and well it's been like this but I used to you know be okay but nowadays I feel so ugly i don't like seeing myself in the mirror I dont like taking pictures i looked uglier than my friends I think and I think they hate me they want me to idk i dont want to click pictures with them cause then I look at myself and just compare and then there my mom who keep telling me to fix this an that in me I think im not pretty enough to be loved ever its like anyone who'd know me they'd straight up hate me or choose someone better i neve3r been in a relationship too cause I think I dont i mean nobody loves me i need to fix myself and get everything together nothing makes me happy infact whole day I have this ache in my chest and I dont want to feel it since weeks i just cry myself to sleep i dont want to live with my parents either they idk its just suffocating i wish I was not here and my adhd sucks i cant study i cant just do anything at all the things I do doesn’t even matter i want so mamy things for my life but idk if im capable or if ill ever have that and if I wont then I dont want to continue my friends would live a good life and what id do right now nothing is happening i know im so shallow and bad to think all this but trust me I dont want to think all this but it doesnt go away i compensate as im not pretty i do things but that is not enough infact when I be embarrassed cringe or do weird thinks I think im pretty enough to compensate for that I feel dumb and then I keep forgetting things im always cute never pretty and my friends never put same efforts in me like I do its like no one knows me and nobody see me i try to find ugly in other too but I just never its like everyone always look pretty and I always look ugly my migraine hurts its nobody fault actually I never show all this i always somehow im okay laughing jokes sarcasm and im always just so weird nobody think im like this but I dont feel okay at all this im afraid and im very scared of being alone with my thoughts this months overwhelm me too cause its my birthday Diwali chhat puja id have to work work emotionally im so fucked im scared that how ill manage being okay with all these im also 5ft and my friends are tall that also bother me cause I look god so many problems is about looks im so shallow i dont know what to do or say im just so tired”
✦
Someone answered with kindness...
Im in the exact same position as you. Always called cute, never pretty, short, hate myself in photographs, have adhd and can't study, and have never been in a relationship. And I'm in my late teens now. However i started viewing my situation slightly differently. I know it feels like bullshit when people say to view your life differently to feel better...but think about, the more you dwell on the negative side of things, the more negative your life will get. It's bound to happen. There is no escaping that. You think you're ugly? Okay fine. You're ugly. Is that so bad..? Is being pretty all you want? Is it that you want to be pretty according to what society deems is pretty, or you want to be pretty to be happy in the mirror? Either way, you will be objectifying yourself. As a woman you can never escape being objectified. It's one thing to experience it from others, but it's another when you want to put yourself in scenes where you objectify yourself. Don't do that mistake, like I did. Always wanting to be primp, perfect, and symmetrical. I would always put on cakes of makeup on but it was never enough to hide the ugly behind the camera lens. So i just learned to live with it. None of my goals in life are linked to me being pretty. So i shouldn't worry about if people think I'm stunning or not. That's for you too. As for adhd, that's definitely something a therapist can help. And i know I know it sucks to hear it but, i helped me too. Being consistent with the therapist. As for you feeling shallow, I'd suggest taking a trip. Walk with your headphones in to some place you've never been. Experience something away from the experiences you create about yourself in your head. Besides, about goals, I don't think I'm capable of achieving anything either. But i learned you have to be very bold with the universe and god. If you want something, you have to go after it and be bold. And if you embarras yourself? At least you tried.