Everyone says to form a village be a villager. I tried being a villager realised that nobody care, started distancing myself nobody even noticed. Some noticed decided to take that personally called me attention seeker and whatever. While I was truly so tired inside. I didn't want to run behind them anymore, ask them what they are talking about only to be ignored anymore. I started walking on my own pace. And now they kinda don't like me.
They don't like me for being alone and doing stuff on my own. Me doing things on my own seem to make them uncomfortable.
And alas I feel guilty, so much guilty. I'm questioning myself everyday. Am I doing things right? Am I truly in the right?
Am I making things up in my head but then each and every single incident like a sharp blade pierce me, gives me pain. Is the pain real? I ask while being in so much pain? Am i truly attention seeking? Am I petty? Am I resentful?
I might be who knows....
But being alone, doing things on my own feel so right.
I feel so much in control of my life
I don't feel ashamed or so small like I did with them anymore
But I still question myself
When will I stop questioning myself and my decisions.
When will I stop trying to play devils advocate in my head.
They hurt me alot, I have receipts but the voices in my head hate me very much.
How do I get over it all

Question

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

See you are already halfway darlin'.
You distanced yourself that's the first and most difficult step and you did it. Now what's bothering is your own past self living in that brain of yours. There's still a part of you ig who is listening and absorbing their opinions their words. But just let them be.
They don't know your side, your story you are you nobody else can feel what you do can they? So please don't let them win. You aren't playing devils. It's them finding their way back to you and you are helping them by getting affected. So just don't. You know you are right. Okay?
Lots of love and hugs ❤️