Someone once asked...

“⚠️ Adults only – Relationship advice needed ⚠️ I (an adult) met a guy, whom I'll call A, online in a new city around May 2025. Gradually, we started meeting almost every Sunday, texting daily, and occasionally calling each other. Around August, I said something that hurt him, and we stopped talking. On November 1st, he reached out again, and we gradually resumed our usual conversations. During our period of no contact, I went on a few dates. In early December, I met another guy, B, online. We went on our first date on December 14th and officially started dating on December 25th. I didn't tell A much about B initially because the relationship was new, and I wasn't sure where it was heading. On January 4th, A asked me to meet him, unaware that B and I were having problems. I informed B before meeting A. While I was out with A, B called, and a minor misunderstanding turned into an argument because of his jealousy. That's how A eventually found out about B. After that, I occasionally shared my relationship problems with A. He became more available for calls and conversations, although B remained my priority because he was my boyfriend. My relationship with B, however, was increasingly complicated. There were frequent arguments, jealousy, and some comments that made me uncomfortable. For instance, he once suggested naming our hypothetical future daughter after his ex-girlfriend and turned it into an argument when I disagreed. Around January 26th, another online friend jokingly messaged me while I was on a call with B. I mentioned it to B, and that triggered another argument that continued for several days. Throughout this period, A listened to me and offered emotional support. On January 28th, A messaged me asking whether I checked Snapchat. Apparently, he had sent me something rather suggestive. After I acknowledged it, we moved on to another topic. He then asked whether I could call him later that night. We had an ordinary conversation, although I don't remember all of it. Around this time, my relationship with B was already falling apart, and A and I gradually started exchanging more flirtatious and intimate messages. On January 31st, A's birthday, I wished him at midnight. We joked around, exchanged a few suggestive remarks, and he asked me to call him. Later that day, around 2 PM, B and I officially broke up. On February 1st, I met A. What started as an ordinary meeting gradually became romantic, and we crossed the boundary from friendship into physical intimacy. Since then, this has continued for several months. We meet almost every Sunday, and our relationship has involved considerable physical intimacy. There have also been a few occasions when things went further. A has generally been considerate about my comfort and boundaries. He has never forced me into anything, although occasionally he can be a little persistent. He has consistently paid for our outings, sometimes sends me money when he cannot accompany me, buys me chocolates, occasionally gets me ice cream, and once surprised me with roses. However, the emotional side of this relationship is where things get confusing. Around May, A got slightly drunk and sent me a five-minute voice message. He deleted it shortly afterwards. After several hours of texting and calling, he admitted that he felt guilty about our situation because he genuinely liked me and had never intended for our friendship to become physical. He also said, "I know you like me." When I asked why he hadn't said anything earlier, he replied, "Would it change anything?" We never properly discussed that conversation again. About a month later, something similar happened. This time, he sent me a six-minute voice message and didn't delete it. In a slightly tipsy voice, he admitted that he liked me. Once again, when I tried to discuss it seriously, he avoided the conversation. In early October, I became emotional during a phone call and told him that I felt he didn't care about me and that perhaps everything he had said while drinking was untrue. He comforted me, reassured me, and even spoke very affectionately. At one point, he soberly repeated, "I like you." On November 1st, we were physically intimate again. However, instead of enjoying the moment, I found myself worrying about my appearance and whether I was attractive enough. Afterwards, he arranged my ride home and offered to cover a few extras. Today, November 3rd, I told him that I felt he no longer cared about me or paid attention to me the way he used to. He explained that he had been sleeping and dealing with other things, which I know is true. Nevertheless, the conversation ended rather coldly, and I was left feeling upset. There is another recurring issue: whenever A has personal problems, even when they have nothing to do with me, he sometimes disappears for days. If I don't initiate contact, we can go without speaking. I also feel that I am now the one making most of the effort to maintain communication. Earlier, in January and February, he was much more proactive. At the same time, he does show affection through actions. He pays for things when possible, sends me money to buy something I like when he cannot meet me, and often gets me chocolates before we part on Sundays. Now, here's where I need advice. I have genuinely developed feelings for A. I think about him a lot, and he has become such a familiar part of my life that imagining walking away feels incredibly difficult. But I am exhausted by the uncertainty. He sometimes behaves like a boyfriend. He is affectionate, considerate, generous, physically intimate with me, and has verbally admitted that he likes me on multiple occasions. Yet he avoids any serious conversation about what we actually are. I don't know whether he sees a future with me, whether I am emotionally important to him, or whether he simply enjoys the comfort and intimacy of our current arrangement. I don't want to pressure someone into a relationship, but I also don't want to spend months being emotionally invested in something that might never become official. My questions are: 1. Based on his behaviour, do you think A genuinely has feelings for me, or is he simply comfortable with our current arrangement? 2. Why would someone repeatedly admit their feelings but avoid discussing them when sober and confronted directly? 3. Do his actions suggest that he sees me as someone he could eventually have a committed relationship with? 4. Am I becoming emotionally attached to someone who is unwilling to offer the same level of commitment? 5. Should I initiate a serious conversation and ask him directly what he wants, or should I step back and see whether he makes an effort? 6. Most importantly, am I holding on to the potential of this relationship rather than accepting what it currently is? I don't want generic advice telling me to communicate or love myself. I would genuinely appreciate an objective assessment of his behaviour, including the possibility that I might be misinterpreting his actions. I like him a lot, but I am tired of feeling like someone's almost-girlfriend.”

Someone answered with kindness...

just stop dating atp lol

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