Actually, I genuinely don't know what to do. There's this man I've been seeing on and off for almost three years now. Initially, I made it very clear to him that I wouldn't lose my virginity before marriage. It was a personal boundary of mine, and he was okay with it at the time.

However, earlier this year, we had another argument, as we usually did, over something as basic as me asking for his time and attention. I got frustrated and ended up blocking him. After 20 days or so, I don't know what came over me, but I missed him and texted him, telling him that I missed him. We started talking again, and I genuinely wanted to work things out and give this another chance.

But then he brought up the need for physical intimacy. And honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, especially after all the constant disrespect, lack of emotional security and reassurance, and the trust issues that had built up over time. I just wasn't comfortable enough.

The thing is, I was even willing to cross a boundary I'd held onto for so long because of him. I told him that I'd be willing to take that step, but I needed time. I needed to rebuild the trust, feel safe and comfortable with him, and most importantly, feel comfortable with myself around him. I wasn't saying no; I was simply asking him to be patient with me.

But he wasn't willing to wait. He wanted it immediately, and he made it clear that he couldn't wait any longer. He said he loved me, but sometimes I genuinely find myself questioning that. I mean, isn't love supposed to be about accepting someone, respecting their boundaries and being patient with them? Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way, and maybe I'm wrong for expecting that, but I just can't help feeling this way.

Eventually, I decided to respect his needs and walk away because I didn't want to force him to stay in something that wasn't fulfilling for him. He basically said that if I was okay with being physically intimate, we could work things out, but if not, he didn't want to drag this any further than we already had.

Question

Actually, I genuinely don't know what to do. There's this man I've been seeing on and off for almost three years now. Initially, I made it very clear to him that I wouldn't lose my virginity before marriage. It was a personal boundary of mine, and he was okay with it at the time.

However, earlier this year, we had another argument, as we usually did, over something as basic as me asking for his time and attention. I got frustrated and ended up blocking him. After 20 days or so, I don't know what came over me, but I missed him and texted him, telling him that I missed him. We started talking again, and I genuinely wanted to work things out and give this another chance.

But then he brought up the need for physical intimacy. And honestly, I just couldn't bring myself to do it, especially after all the constant disrespect, lack of emotional security and reassurance, and the trust issues that had built up over time. I just wasn't comfortable enough.

The thing is, I was even willing to cross a boundary I'd held onto for so long because of him. I told him that I'd be willing to take that step, but I needed time. I needed to rebuild the trust, feel safe and comfortable with him, and most importantly, feel comfortable with myself around him. I wasn't saying no; I was simply asking him to be patient with me.

But he wasn't willing to wait. He wanted it immediately, and he made it clear that he couldn't wait any longer. He said he loved me, but sometimes I genuinely find myself questioning that. I mean, isn't love supposed to be about accepting someone, respecting their boundaries and being patient with them? Maybe I'm looking at it the wrong way, and maybe I'm wrong for expecting that, but I just can't help feeling this way.

Eventually, I decided to respect his needs and walk away because I didn't want to force him to stay in something that wasn't fulfilling for him. He basically said that if I was okay with being physically intimate, we could work things out, but if not, he didn't want to drag this any further than we already had.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

You did absolutely right, if you would have been physical with him even if you didn't want it and later on things didn't work out between you 2, then you would have feel like you have been used for your body and that feeling would have continued with you for long.