A girl I liked in college and was close friends with sent me this msg when I told her the reasons why I wasnt able to call like I used to and her actions that hurt me-

I read your message and it just feels like we have just really lived pretty completely two different versions of things and I don't know how you keep reenacting yours and disregarding mine on your own. First of all, with respect to your birthday, we did not meet not because I didn't want it to. I said yes to whatever plan you were making. I warned you it's not going to work out and I still didn't say anything to you. You didn't postpone, I told you hundreds of times to postpone either of the events, but you did not. And I know you are going to say because I wanted to meet you on my birthday, but I think you are supposed to have some sympathy and common sense for the other person as well. What if, we go without meeting and she may have to make other plans for dinner? What about that situation? Did you think about it at all, even remotely?

And you just say things & then say it was funny, I don't think it was funny. I don't think anyone in my position, or not in my position, will think of that line as funny. It was not funny when you asked me. And then you asked me thrice. And then when you said, I'm not holding a grudge about that thing, by the way. But it is such a worse thing to say to someone who is already so much emotionally drained. And then you asked me three times and then you said that I was expecting you to say no and then now you are saying that you were just kidding about it. Let me care about that something like that to you once and we'll see how you respond to it.

Somehow you keep suggesting about going to a faraway place and then saying that I denied for that pizza place. You need to understand, I live at my house and my parents are strict with respect to how long have I been gone for, what purpose am I going for and why haven't I been at home. If I told her that I am just going to eat out, she will expect me to come back in around one and a half hour, maximum two. But if I don't get back home in time because you are not good at planning at all, I will be in trouble and I don't think you understand. Considering how many times you have mentioned this thing now. I still did not say anything to you. I did not blame you. I did not say a single word to you. Because it was just I was hurting and I did not want to hurt someone back by saying anything. And also I realized there is no point of saying anything.

And a few days back when I mentioned that you were also gone and not there in December, you went like, I don't remember anything about December or January, I have no idea what happened, and now you suddenly come up with an explanation that you stopped talking to me because you wanted me to study and didn't want to waste my time, which is something that you just decided on your own, like, let's let her study, let's not disturb her, so let's stop talking, so you just decided on your behalf and my behalf that I am not going to talk to her, you didn't even bother to tell me?

Even if you did decide, you did not once convey it to me, apparently you are expecting me to understand the situation somehow. And I have no idea how to even wrap my mind around it. I called you three to four times I asked you at different times why have you stopped calling what happened you went like oh nothing happened or I'm just not disturbing you. Once would have told me— I want you to study so that's why I'm not calling and if you feel like when you want to talk you can call me and we can talk and you want to meet we can meet up and then we can talk.

I asked you if we can, I think after the exam, if we can go to Domino's and you said no because you can't come from office which is very much acceptable and I'm not holding a grudge on to that, even after you were disappeared not there, but all of this combined and after that you never even mentioned to meet up again up until we got close to Valentine's Day.

This is the one when you wanted to tell me that you wanted to share your feelings and stuff. You did not say that once on text at all, you just said I wanted to sit nice and quiet with you. I don't think that gave me the indication that you just wanted to connect because you've been feeling alone, which is the express word someone should use for the person to understand, because I'm not actually a mind reader if you do not know that already & we didn't decide any place and on call I said let's keep it for tomorrow you said you'll had guests over… and never brought it up again. How the fuck is that my fault.

Apparently, you do keep bringing that one incident up, where we couldn't meet and sit in the park. And I do not understand, how am I supposed to know someone else's background feelings? I have no idea. If I have some sort of issue or feeling with someone, I just ask them like I did ask you in December and January, why do you not call? And on that too, you did not expressly say anything. You are not immature to not know what to say. You are 26 years old. That's the bare minimum of someone who is that adult to be able to convey something.

I cannot do that. How is it my fault? How is any of these things that I did not read into my fault? I don't understand that.

Now for the fact that you apparently blamed me for and it's kind of hurtful that I called you and you said in a low voice something which I did not hear. It was a whole of 35 seconds call, I literally checked in my phone after the call. And when I'm not able to hear someone saying exactly what they're saying, I do not assume that something bad has happened in their family. I'd just rather think the person is not feeling well or is busy. I thought you were honestly beside aunty when you picked up my call. And hence you're speaking like that and you're not in a mood to talk as well. So you just did not say anything much. And you probably have said that we'll talk later. I don't know why you're expecting me to assume something really bad might have happened and follow up on that. Like wtfff?

In whole of these things, it's just circling back to me realizing that you apparently think of me as a mind reader or a person who is a psychic.

& let me drop some truth for you coz you have some delusion of perfection for yourself. After exam I called you I told you I got an internship at some place I full went on to tell you things about it... but you have no fucking clue ... u Don't even remember... u never once asked how it went ... after your grandfather's death you disappeared... u called after a month at around 12 pm. Not even once asked how I am ... how have I been (after I've been there for you constantly asking how have u been, u can call if you feel like talk about it)... I called and the only thing you kept talking for next 15 mins after I picked up was you .. your life, your family, your future, your plans. You had no fucking clue about the internship. Not even till today.

That's not you giving me space, that's you being so into yourself that you don't realize that even friendship requires reciprocity.

I went numb. I cried myself to sleep for 3-4 nights in a row thinking how was I so inconsiderate and oblivious to these things. I wanted to say that instant that I will call u daily and text u daily and check on u constantly but I couldn't find the courage to say those things after reading how much hurt I caused u. I got scared that what if I am not good enough and what if I hurt her again. So rather than sending anything I just went silent.

Then I called her 3-4 months later and apologized for everything and asked her for another chance and she said she needed time and will WhatsApp me. Its been more than a year since this call and she hasn't said anything.

I am having a hard time moving on and I recently discovered that she has moved to a different state. And the loop started again. I am confused, I want her back but I am scared of msging or contacting her after so long.

Help me get out of this situation.

Question

A girl I liked in college and was close friends with sent me this msg when I told her the reasons why I wasnt able to call like I used to and her actions that hurt me-

I read your message and it just feels like we have just really lived pretty completely two different versions of things and I don't know how you keep reenacting yours and disregarding mine on your own. First of all, with respect to your birthday, we did not meet not because I didn't want it to. I said yes to whatever plan you were making. I warned you it's not going to work out and I still didn't say anything to you. You didn't postpone, I told you hundreds of times to postpone either of the events, but you did not. And I know you are going to say because I wanted to meet you on my birthday, but I think you are supposed to have some sympathy and common sense for the other person as well. What if, we go without meeting and she may have to make other plans for dinner? What about that situation? Did you think about it at all, even remotely?

And you just say things & then say it was funny, I don't think it was funny. I don't think anyone in my position, or not in my position, will think of that line as funny. It was not funny when you asked me. And then you asked me thrice. And then when you said, I'm not holding a grudge about that thing, by the way. But it is such a worse thing to say to someone who is already so much emotionally drained. And then you asked me three times and then you said that I was expecting you to say no and then now you are saying that you were just kidding about it. Let me care about that something like that to you once and we'll see how you respond to it.

Somehow you keep suggesting about going to a faraway place and then saying that I denied for that pizza place. You need to understand, I live at my house and my parents are strict with respect to how long have I been gone for, what purpose am I going for and why haven't I been at home. If I told her that I am just going to eat out, she will expect me to come back in around one and a half hour, maximum two. But if I don't get back home in time because you are not good at planning at all, I will be in trouble and I don't think you understand. Considering how many times you have mentioned this thing now. I still did not say anything to you. I did not blame you. I did not say a single word to you. Because it was just I was hurting and I did not want to hurt someone back by saying anything. And also I realized there is no point of saying anything.

And a few days back when I mentioned that you were also gone and not there in December, you went like, I don't remember anything about December or January, I have no idea what happened, and now you suddenly come up with an explanation that you stopped talking to me because you wanted me to study and didn't want to waste my time, which is something that you just decided on your own, like, let's let her study, let's not disturb her, so let's stop talking, so you just decided on your behalf and my behalf that I am not going to talk to her, you didn't even bother to tell me?

Even if you did decide, you did not once convey it to me, apparently you are expecting me to understand the situation somehow. And I have no idea how to even wrap my mind around it. I called you three to four times I asked you at different times why have you stopped calling what happened you went like oh nothing happened or I'm just not disturbing you. Once would have told me— I want you to study so that's why I'm not calling and if you feel like when you want to talk you can call me and we can talk and you want to meet we can meet up and then we can talk.

I asked you if we can, I think after the exam, if we can go to Domino's and you said no because you can't come from office which is very much acceptable and I'm not holding a grudge on to that, even after you were disappeared not there, but all of this combined and after that you never even mentioned to meet up again up until we got close to Valentine's Day.

This is the one when you wanted to tell me that you wanted to share your feelings and stuff. You did not say that once on text at all, you just said I wanted to sit nice and quiet with you. I don't think that gave me the indication that you just wanted to connect because you've been feeling alone, which is the express word someone should use for the person to understand, because I'm not actually a mind reader if you do not know that already & we didn't decide any place and on call I said let's keep it for tomorrow you said you'll had guests over… and never brought it up again. How the fuck is that my fault.

Apparently, you do keep bringing that one incident up, where we couldn't meet and sit in the park. And I do not understand, how am I supposed to know someone else's background feelings? I have no idea. If I have some sort of issue or feeling with someone, I just ask them like I did ask you in December and January, why do you not call? And on that too, you did not expressly say anything. You are not immature to not know what to say. You are 26 years old. That's the bare minimum of someone who is that adult to be able to convey something.

I cannot do that. How is it my fault? How is any of these things that I did not read into my fault? I don't understand that.

Now for the fact that you apparently blamed me for and it's kind of hurtful that I called you and you said in a low voice something which I did not hear. It was a whole of 35 seconds call, I literally checked in my phone after the call. And when I'm not able to hear someone saying exactly what they're saying, I do not assume that something bad has happened in their family. I'd just rather think the person is not feeling well or is busy. I thought you were honestly beside aunty when you picked up my call. And hence you're speaking like that and you're not in a mood to talk as well. So you just did not say anything much. And you probably have said that we'll talk later. I don't know why you're expecting me to assume something really bad might have happened and follow up on that. Like wtfff?

In whole of these things, it's just circling back to me realizing that you apparently think of me as a mind reader or a person who is a psychic.

& let me drop some truth for you coz you have some delusion of perfection for yourself. After exam I called you I told you I got an internship at some place I full went on to tell you things about it... but you have no fucking clue ... u Don't even remember... u never once asked how it went ... after your grandfather's death you disappeared... u called after a month at around 12 pm. Not even once asked how I am ... how have I been (after I've been there for you constantly asking how have u been, u can call if you feel like talk about it)... I called and the only thing you kept talking for next 15 mins after I picked up was you .. your life, your family, your future, your plans. You had no fucking clue about the internship. Not even till today.

That's not you giving me space, that's you being so into yourself that you don't realize that even friendship requires reciprocity.

I went numb. I cried myself to sleep for 3-4 nights in a row thinking how was I so inconsiderate and oblivious to these things. I wanted to say that instant that I will call u daily and text u daily and check on u constantly but I couldn't find the courage to say those things after reading how much hurt I caused u. I got scared that what if I am not good enough and what if I hurt her again. So rather than sending anything I just went silent.

Then I called her 3-4 months later and apologized for everything and asked her for another chance and she said she needed time and will WhatsApp me. Its been more than a year since this call and she hasn't said anything.

I am having a hard time moving on and I recently discovered that she has moved to a different state. And the loop started again. I am confused, I want her back but I am scared of msging or contacting her after so long.

Help me get out of this situation.

Anonymous Practitioner · Accepted Answer

Why is that is it my fault I talk to people i prioritose my talking to someone whom I adore to get they out of nowhere some days don't show that enough and act like it's all fine and mature understanding that I should focus on other things to do not bound to just talking to him wow is it my fault I m always anxious